Euphoric Fatigue (euphoricfatigue) wrote,
Euphoric Fatigue

christmas cheer

because i was feeling a bit blue about stuff, and then i realized when i came across this, i about peed my pants. my life isn't so bad after all... some families are fucked up more than even mine is! hooray! :P

"Dear Andrea,

Thanks for your foul-mouthed drunken tirade the other nite. I suppose
this means you 'll not be having me to dinner or Las Vegas anytime soon. The only thing you left out was blaming me for cancer.

I'll not deny that I struck Shirley a few times over 16 years. I'm ashamed & sorry it happened to this day. There is, however, another truth whether or not you'd choose to believe it possible: your mother wasn't a saint & actually loved pushing/goading me beyond limits of self control. And then feeding off my guilt!! In brief, I wasn't able to make your mother happy & everything else became a moot issue.
Compromise wasn't ever in her frame of reference. Each & every difference had to end in a screaming match void of realities.

No doubt i WILL be judged for past will we all. One can only pray that the final judge might be more forgiving/understanding than you. Nothing is ever so all black or all white as it may seem.

I'm truly sorry that both you & Erich might lose you mother to cancer.
Whatever you think of me, I know the sense of pending loss quite well.
I'd still offer whatever comfort/aid that you'd need or accept. But I'll not beg you one way or the other. Shirley & I once loved each other long before your time. We simply couldn't overcome the post-partum depression on top of life's other hurdles.

Whatever your position, I'll leave Herndon when lease expires about Aug
1st. I'd much hoped it could have been great fun & a time for healing.
Obviously, it wasn't either one. Five or ten years after my demise, you
can ponder the reasons with none around to contradict, ok?

Love, Dad

PS. Do, however, spare me further psycho-babble about twisting or
pulling your hair as a child. It was simply a thing you did as an
individual as soon as you discovered fingers & hair. To suggest something more sinister is akin to saying that every kid who sucked
thumb was traumatized by parental discord. Linus needs his blanket
for some reason, but I doubt it has to do with problems of grown-ups.
PPS. As for harrassing you, get real. I've not spoken 2 words to you in
nine months at your request."
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