Euphoric Fatigue (euphoricfatigue) wrote,
Euphoric Fatigue

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i just now got off the phone with a minister at my mom's church. i don't know if i called for forgiveness, or for sympathy, or for a solution to a problem which will never be resolved.

initially, i had only wanted someone to go and check in on her. stop in and visit for a half hour.

after outlining the things that have transpired from march until now, the minister tells me that i need to forgive.

i think it is impossible to forgive. especially when there was no apology. no glimmer of hope. no light left.

my clothes, i could have forgiven, my dogs even, at least i could have tried. but there is just so much hurt and plain, unadulterated meanness that i can't. i have no cheeks left to turn. honest.

i would like to occasionally check out of this life. not to die, but to just get a different one. one with a different family. but it's true, i have another family.

thank you, grandpa m. i needed that hug.
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